!(*-*)!

8 in the morning. The air is still fresh. My head hurts when i got up this morning. My cough persist on, my mind still thinking about it.

Many things to be done these few days, march holidays are coming. There's much to catch up with. Dot, do you know that the human brain is only capable of registering 200 friend? At any one point of time that is the maximum, meaning you will forget old friend for the sake of new friend.

I don't know why, but that same old question kept repeating in my mind. I really wanted to know who was that person, why is he better than me, maybe i need to at least see or hear a name to feel that yea, i was indeed inferior.

Your answer kept coming back into my mind, i thought about it many times, i am pretty sure about it, my intuition should be correct.

I didn't dare, just didn't...

Who was it? At least the surname?



I almost felt like _________, when i heard -it can never be, he will kill me-

I know that was just words from someone's mouth but i was maybe sad. At least just say it can never be, the last 4 words were like telling me, hey you can go and bang your head against the wall.

Maybe one wall is not enough.

My actions might be confusing(When i leave you out to do that it was because i felt that i own her something, a favour that i have to repay back but it wasn't the same thing you know).

It was ridiculous just by listening to those speculations, super cause how the heck can that even be possible. I don't even know what to say, except it is making this thing messy.

Why was there even a speculation, i don't see why... It's my life, just leave it to me.

Hey, listen to bon jovi's it's my life. Nice song, nice way for me to act optimistic to end it off when deep down inside i know that there's no way i can be at this moment.

3 years might be enough? 4 maybe, maybe only after 5 then i might give up. All just like years before, i have a feeling it will be just like that. The phrase once bitten twice shy is total bullshit.

I am going to get bitten twice, i just never learn. Maybe the stupid goat inside me is just a dedicated one, always never learning his lesson. Stubborn you may say.

Just silently watching, will be enough. I can't, cause in the end i still wanted to look at you, even when i told myself not to turn i still did... Loser loser.

I guess you will never notice i was there, elusive actions are always not recognize, i get it, i don't want to be as well. I just want to be able to do something for you, even if you don't see it, don't hear it, don't feel it, it will still happen.

This post is full of you, you and you. When can i start typing out your name? Just know that it is you will be enough. I think you might not even know that it is you. Oh well, i am ok with that too.

Maybe my sincerity was not enough, why are there so many maybe. I hate it.

I like you.