Inspired

By someone whom i will mention later on.

Actually i did reflected about what have been going on for these 1 plus years. Well, for my kind of brain obviously it would be a natural thing. I am just looking back at it like a big picture. A super big one. Bigger than the blue sky.

When i first joined nyjc, all i knew was that i made a stupid major mistake joining CLEP. Well, not really a mistake because my chinese was really fine, i guess spending about one year not speaking or writing chinese certainly affected it. Well, A1 in mid-year will lead to that, doing math during chinese lesson...

The teachers were like worried about my chinese, totally when i was in 0935. When i was in the class i questioned about the state. Like everyone in there had like 13^ L1R5. So why the heck was i doing there? I didn't even need the extra 2 points to come in so why am i ''forced'' to take that combi. Well, there was bound to be more idoits in this world and bam i met teck kiang. A nice 5 pointer who did the same thing haha. Still remember those days where when we both decided to drop from H2 chinese? Laughing at ourselves cause we changed the meaning of poems and text. Our favourite? Haha, sick stuff about li bai.

Well, i still do call him a loser and he call me idoit.

Jerrold, Boon kit, siming, Joel, Junling, Shi hao and teck kiang. It was never meant to be from the start. So little guys... Weird, since i am from a boys school.

You know being in a boys school stinks? Haha, it changes you slowly bit by bit until some finally becomes weird. I suppose i am one of them. The first time i understand about feeling was probably during Primary 6. It lasted from Primary 4 to sec 2. Well techically only 2 years as i only get the idea at P6. It was great, it was like unexplainable.

Things did turn bad, a story where just nice her dad have to die. Her mum wanted her back into indonesia. Now you get it? Maybe that's why i have affinity with indonesians. Andrew, chayadi. Haha 2 of my Bestfriend are indos. She told me i will find someone better, someone much better because things were indeed getting messy then. Like as if i can accept it. I just had to be that idoit who just wanted to stay by her and see her to the end. She changed during sec2 and i woke up from my stupid journey.

Well, 4 years after primary school. Many guys from boys school would say it was indeed a good experience for once to be in a mixed school. I found it hard to differentiate the feeling. It may seem to be the case but i know it when i have it. I just know it.

Dropping out from 35, i went into 31. Another mis-planned as i did not ended up in Yadi/KS class. I didn't ended up in science classes as well. Like what the dabilabillooobullcow, since my physic was good. I went back to challenge geo which disappointed me by giving me 2 years of A1 and 1 time B3. Like go hell man, i might not have even ended up in nyjc. Thanks god i did, really i have to.

Ever wonder why i kept mentioning that it was fated?

Skipping 32 and ending up in 31. I didn't wanted to start making friend all over again, but i had no choice. Really just no choice. Same old situation whereby there are so little guys. Imagine my first person whom i talked to was Zhi quan? In my mind i was like, com'on you really have to test my EQ by letting me crack his mind open. Someone whom many say is living in his own world. I did it... Now he is sticking on to me like anything pulling my bag(which i insisted not to!). There was minghong who was just another one. I found his weakspot and it was chinese. Think about those convesation we had, those things we discussed.

David haha, my starting memory of him was a joker who borrowed 50 dollar from me to pay something. Now he is not a joker but a super big joker. The master josiah was friendly right from the begaining and until this very day itself he is still friendly. Just that i have seen the sensitive side of him.

Gabriel, a whole bunch of dabulalibu to talk about indeed. A great man even tho we call you a girl. He has a long list in my head if you get what i mean(only insider knows). Just hope that he do change some of his ways.

Looking at the overall view of 31, i guess that's all for the guys team. Haha, as if! When i started observing the class, i thought that he was one who isolate from the rest. I was wrong i guess, but trust me it was a turn of events.

Elohim chor. The baka who spend most time with girls finally found out the truth. We became great friends, usually on teasing david haha. Talking about sensitive issue, doing things together. Sometimes i do hope that you wasn't a tauren. Like what the darkside says you do things your way while they do it their's.

Hey, look at the girls team and you will find a huge spartan army. More time spend on making friend. Hate that kind of situation really. Well at the very least i/we had help. ANGELINE! someone who joined the guys team. Not saying that she ain't pretty haha. Very open-minded and friendly. Tho sometimes i think that you should spend more times with the girls haha, joking i know you do!

Vanessa, whom i don't know when did i started talking to? Sometimes, i do feel like giving up changing you. Defiant and did not wanted to listen to advice. I just find that it would be better if i did, cause i didn't wanted the old things to happen again which i know will if you do not change in the future. Well, maybe that's why i talked to you more. I can't leave a person out without assist. When i said time and fated. I can't explain everything, some things are unknown to me as well.

Clara! The girl who is talented in music. David's master! I know she will go far in life. She has got more than just that. Appearing to be ''buff'' always maybe disliking guys. Even if you do not tell me about it, i know what went wrong and why did it go wrong. Don't worry clara, you will understand in future.

??? Did i miss out someone? Haha, i suppose i did. Who was the first girl i talked to in the class? Carissa chin shan wen. Someone who has got a super short list in my mind. Why so? She doesn't have much flaws you know. Well, maybe i did tease her too much until she dislike me. Telling her lame jokes, haha. Don't know why but i find it very easy talking to her. Very. I don't know why but there came a moment where i really didn't wanted her to say she hate me. Like throwing a knife at me i supposed. Well, with my character who will not hate me i guess. Haha stop bullying frank ok?

The whole of nyjc doesn't stop here. I have met like maybe at least 100 plus to 200 friend. I am scare that my brain reject some of them slowly. If i do not say hi one day please remind me about it. I suppose that wouldn't happen.

Just today i got like 10 plus friendly taps, 3 friendly hits, countless of hello.

You know minghong? If you didn't tell me about it during boat ride. I might not have made a decision. You were the one who whack me straight in the head.

Certain things have changed, but at least i did find one thing. The feeling i lost so many years ago, i am pretty sure i found it. I just don't want the same thing to happen that's why. Don't tell me the same sentence. I will not accept it.

Cheers! My life is so short that it can be typed out in one short post. Nah, i do have more things to say but i guess time is crucial.

Have fun.

Stay by my side and give me the mental strength.

Silence

All i wanted was a moment of silence. My head was spinning so hard that i almost just wanted to shout at everyone to keep their mouth shut.

I have got enough stuff to think about not to mention about the noise pollution that had to make my thinking go haywire.

I was so desperate that i had to ask people to help me... The answer ended with 1 vote difference.

I was glad, deep down inside i know that i wouldn't be able to handle it well. Lucky, just lucky that the vote was on the right side.

You know today i went running with gabby. Thanks to him i had a chance to look at the sky and enjoy my moment of peace. Cause he was too determined, running 20 rounds at such a fast pace. I really admire his determination, a great person in the making if he changes his flaw.

It's time for my life to shine.

Never wanted to influence anyone, don't follow my way!

I am using my way. Wish me luck!

Even though i do not get who are you writing about, i will never give up.

Title

Just got home and my whole body is like......

So much work to do and so little time. I think i piss off someone today haha, sorry dude you just had to make me do so, well lucky you didn't clash with me if not you might regret your actions later haha.

Should i go for geo trip? I want to go i guess.

Managed to catch up with the guys since i had a short break after H1, stay strong people we will go in together! We shall we will!

Was walking home, dragging my feet along. Moments where i felt like just relaxing and slack.

Just thinking of you made me so much stronger.

!(*-*)!

8 in the morning. The air is still fresh. My head hurts when i got up this morning. My cough persist on, my mind still thinking about it.

Many things to be done these few days, march holidays are coming. There's much to catch up with. Dot, do you know that the human brain is only capable of registering 200 friend? At any one point of time that is the maximum, meaning you will forget old friend for the sake of new friend.

I don't know why, but that same old question kept repeating in my mind. I really wanted to know who was that person, why is he better than me, maybe i need to at least see or hear a name to feel that yea, i was indeed inferior.

Your answer kept coming back into my mind, i thought about it many times, i am pretty sure about it, my intuition should be correct.

I didn't dare, just didn't...

Who was it? At least the surname?



I almost felt like _________, when i heard -it can never be, he will kill me-

I know that was just words from someone's mouth but i was maybe sad. At least just say it can never be, the last 4 words were like telling me, hey you can go and bang your head against the wall.

Maybe one wall is not enough.

My actions might be confusing(When i leave you out to do that it was because i felt that i own her something, a favour that i have to repay back but it wasn't the same thing you know).

It was ridiculous just by listening to those speculations, super cause how the heck can that even be possible. I don't even know what to say, except it is making this thing messy.

Why was there even a speculation, i don't see why... It's my life, just leave it to me.

Hey, listen to bon jovi's it's my life. Nice song, nice way for me to act optimistic to end it off when deep down inside i know that there's no way i can be at this moment.

3 years might be enough? 4 maybe, maybe only after 5 then i might give up. All just like years before, i have a feeling it will be just like that. The phrase once bitten twice shy is total bullshit.

I am going to get bitten twice, i just never learn. Maybe the stupid goat inside me is just a dedicated one, always never learning his lesson. Stubborn you may say.

Just silently watching, will be enough. I can't, cause in the end i still wanted to look at you, even when i told myself not to turn i still did... Loser loser.

I guess you will never notice i was there, elusive actions are always not recognize, i get it, i don't want to be as well. I just want to be able to do something for you, even if you don't see it, don't hear it, don't feel it, it will still happen.

This post is full of you, you and you. When can i start typing out your name? Just know that it is you will be enough. I think you might not even know that it is you. Oh well, i am ok with that too.

Maybe my sincerity was not enough, why are there so many maybe. I hate it.

I like you.

Sister

Alright after this week, ^^.

Official chinese results- A
Oral-Distinction

Ok, stop telling me i don't look like someone who can speak chinese. For those who cannot understand about the A in chinese thingy, it would mean that your final A level results is capable of adding 10 points. Like if you get 80/90 ranking point, your ranking point will be shown as 90/100. Hey, isn't that like the same thing...

A level year.

Life

Ever wonder what is life all about? I think i do now, that is to let go of things.

Hey, look at the cbox now, someone just commented A=apple, KNS. I suppose the adding of KNS= he's not happy with me getting A. I have to say GTFO my blog cause you have indeed raged me after an emotional day.

Alright, put such ''stupid'' people to one side. CB, you think you never get A for chinese you can scold people is it? Fk you, i wanted to put this to one side but you fking rage me. Cb, you think i get A for chinese for you to comment on it?

Fk you, the next person who is unhappy with me just come straight to me and tell me about it, you are going to give me a chance to punch you in your fking face.

You know i was really happy about the A, this is certainly a prove that my chinese standard is not there for shit, do you think that i will take it lying down that Chen siew lan laoshi always comment on those muggers that their chinese were good?

Do you even fking understand what is chinese about? Do you fking think that it is about scoring? Do you fking think that it is about getting A? Do you fking think that it is about studying for the sake of studying?

Do you fking think that you can get A just by mugging, and you do deserve it?

Think about it before you type shit on the cbox. I will gladly want to know which idoit type that out, especially the last part, KNS.

Wo cao ni ma de.

Now, i know who is $, i understand the KNS part cause i know him well. Super well. But i decided not to delete this post to warn against those idoits out there.

I will say, i did not say much about my chinese grade, i even fool teachers who asked me about it, they thought i freaking failed or something. I can't be bothered explaining...

***********************************************************************************

Ok, the upper post is a rage post. This is the important part about the blog title.

You know that i certainly have decided on moving on? On the first day, i have to receive such treatment from heaven to make me look back? If you do want to listen to other people's bad advice for the situation go ahead, i am not going to interfere anymore.

Don't do that anymore...? At least not in my sight, because i did what you did too... It hurts? To the extent where my breathing stopped.

Since things have to be so, please go back to the top of the title. -letting go of things-

I wonder if i can do it? I will try. I must. I can. I AM NOT GOING TO LET OTHER PEOPLE CONTROL MY LIFE.

Piss off. I hate hearing that ugly voice anymore, the more i hear it, the more past-deeds of yours are being refresh in my memory.

Hey, i have to say that my mood today went from----> Excited, no why are you doing this?, normal, sad.

First time i saw david broke down and sort of rage.

Do i deserve that A? I know that my standard in an examination would certainly be deserving, but attitude wise?

I guess not...

Like what i said, chinese examination was screwed ttm because it was testing the wrong bullshit.

I do say vulgarities, i am in a bad mood.

Do you know what has been the motivation for me to move on? If only you knew? If only you did understand. When i ran till the last lap of 20th lap. My legs felt like they were gone, my heart felt like it was dead, my brain keep telling me one and only one thing. I must not give up because if i did what is worthy of me to you?

I am doing all things with that in mind...

That shall be kept with me till the end, never to be forgotten. Thanks for it, when i have to break through that thinking i will really go back and think about it, that very thing that have been with me, the thing that made me went on.

To protect you.

I never turn around cause i knew that i must stop this thing. Do i still stand a chance?

I just need my sleep now after what i went throught today.

Wash it off. Wash it off.

You say

Hey. I say yo!

Hey yo hey yo, I might have to stay away soon.

Don't miss me! (Yeah, like anyone will...)

To take on the responsibility. Recently i did lose my calmness, ranting and ranting.

I am indeed sorry.

I need to change... Once again it is about changing.

You say hey, i say give me a pat to allow me to move on.

You> :)

I am really like walking down a dark path, no lights to guide me along. I must let you know that it have indeed been taking me much courage to continue this because i know what might happen if what i hoped for came true...

Hey, things might actually be better than i thought. I will look on the bright side.

I will.

^^

How many times have i turned my head back just to catch a glimpse of you?

Countless already...